Monday, 12th October 2009

This is most probably the worst ever day i've ever encountered in my life. I received a call on the morning of 12th October 2009, it was a private number dat appeared on the screen of my hp. The 1st thought that came 2 my mind was 'please, dun let it be my mum'. It was an unusual call at 7.50 a.m. from my mum. I was praying hard it has got nth 2 do with my grandpa but the first sentence my mum uttered was 'grandpa juz passed away'. Lung cancer killed him. It's too hard for me to believe that. I hoped it was just a dream but clearly it's not. Each and every day, i've been counting the number of days left b4 i get back home. 1 and a half mths remaining! it seem so near yet so far. Maybe i've made U wait too long.

Being such a loving and caring grandfather, i dun think his life deserves to be this short. He's still too young for me. He looks so healthy and strong before I came here 8 mths ago. It's juz unbelievable. I blamed myself for not spending enough time with him & not having more chats with him. Now, there's no more chance for me. When i got to know that his health was deteriorating, i prayed hard for him 2 be healthy. I promised to myself that I wanna give him a hug when i reached back home but now, i dun even have the chance to see him. I cant even attend his funeral. I wished I can go back now but mum asked me not to. She wanted me to focus my studies. I felt so helpless for not being there with my families at this sorrowful moment.

Grandpa, u haven't been enjoying ur life just yet. I've always promised to study hard, to get a gud job and 2 earn more money. I swear to myself i wanna bring u to many many beautiful places in this world and i wanna give u a big ang pow during chinese new year. I want you 2 c me building a successful career and family. All that dreams just came crashing. I know it's difficult for me to get over this.

At the same time, i'm so worried about my grandma especially. The man she has spent so many years of her life 2gether with is no longer here. I'm not sure if she can handle her emotions well. I can't imagine how will she get thru the days without him. I'm worried for my mum too. She's the eldest daughter of my grandpa. Grandpa loves mum the most and i'm sure it's much more difficult for mum to accept the fact that the man who raised her up will leave her forever. I just can't stop worrying for every family members and relatives. I've been crying a lot these two days. I just feel so tired and have been sleeping a lot. I juz want the day to pass quickly. Yet, time seems to be moving really slow now. Every single day seems to be longer than b4.

I know many friends of mine have been giving me encouraging supports and i truly appreciate that. I kept telling everyone that i'll be just fine but i know i'm not emotionally stable just yet. I believe only time will heal. I'll give myself some time and i promise i'll be able to get over it soon. Thanks again for all the supports. They really do make me feel better.

R.I.P. Grandpa. I will always love you!!!!!